It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
