Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
