Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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