I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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