no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
