I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
