i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
