I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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