i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
