Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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