Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
