is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
