I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
