my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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