how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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