If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
