Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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