I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bring me that man meat
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
