Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
