How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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