dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
