Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
