Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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