wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
