i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
