I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
