I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
