i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
