I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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