Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
