I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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