I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
