I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
NoShamevember. You game?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
