I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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