Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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