Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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