the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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