chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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