At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
