Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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