He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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