Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
please come you make the beer taste better
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Found your dick twin last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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