Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
