All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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