Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
