it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Houston, we have a squirter
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
there is puke in my bra ... again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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