my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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