A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
