New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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