There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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